Growing up, I never imagined a world where people would so easily turn against one another, making judgments without ever seeking the full picture. But today, this is happening more often, and it’s especially prevalent in communities that pride themselves on being "conscious." This trend of jumping to conclusions, canceling people, and not checking facts or hearing the other side of the story has spread like wildfire. What’s even more disheartening is that much of this is unfolding not just online, where anonymity can often embolden toxic behavior, but within conscious communities — spaces meant for healing, growth, and unity.
The Rise of Spiritual Narcissism
A term that encapsulates part of this phenomenon is spiritual narcissism — where individuals within spiritual or conscious communities begin to use their spiritual practices or beliefs as a justification for their behavior. This often includes manipulating others under the guise of being enlightened or more "woke." It’s subtle but pervasive. People who claim to be "above" the rest often pass judgment, create divisions, and believe their spiritual practice makes them immune from fault.
I’ve personally witnessed people who claim to embody love and compassion yet have no hesitation to cancel someone based on rumors or partial truths. These are often the same people preaching about kindness, connection, and higher consciousness. The dissonance is striking.
My Experience: Cancel Culture Within Conscious Communities
This isn't just a general observation. I’ve been canceled from a community that I deeply cared about after deciding to leave a business I helped build. The business, which involved constructing tiny homes, was something I poured my heart into. But when I quit, there was one final project left — a mother had entrusted us with a large sum of money to build a tiny home for her and her child. My two business partners wanted to walk away from the job, leaving her without the home she had paid for. I felt a sense of responsibility, knowing I couldn’t let this affect her or her child, so I decided to take on the job alone.
During that process, I compressed my spine, leaving me unable to work for a year and a half. It also became incredibly difficult for me to attend Ecstatic Dance, which was my form of church and personal healing. Even though I had evidence proving I didn’t steal any money from the job, the same two business partners I walked away from spread a rumor about me within the community. They were influential figures, and their story became the dominant narrative, leading to my cancellation from events and even gigs.
It was painful to watch how easily people I once connected with turned against me without ever asking for my side of the story. This isn’t an isolated event; it’s a reflection of a broader issue within our culture.
Why Is This Happening?
The rise of cancel culture, judgment, and the inability to hold space for nuance and complexity are rooted in our growing hyper-individualism. Social media has played a significant role in this. Online, it’s easy to form quick judgments based on a single post or narrative. People latch onto one side of a story and don’t feel the need to check the other side — they simply believe what they’ve been told, especially if it’s shared by someone influential.
We’ve lost the art of true communication. Instead of dialogue, we engage in public shaming. Instead of curiosity, we react with outrage. And instead of empathy, we are quick to assume the worst.
A Call to Rebuild Community
So, how do we rebuild? How do we cultivate a culture that is less judgmental, more heart-centered, and rooted in care? It starts with checking our stories. It’s crucial that, before passing judgment or spreading rumors, we seek to understand both sides. Everyone has their own version of events, and truth often lies somewhere in the middle.
In conscious communities, we can take this a step further by creating unity circles — intentional spaces where individuals come together in a heart-centered and vulnerable way to discuss the discomfort they are feeling. In these circles, participants can speak openly about their experiences, and the group holds space for understanding and empathy. Vulnerability and honesty are keys to breaking through the barriers of judgment and assumption.
When we come together in this way, we create deeper intimacy within our communities, rather than division. We allow ourselves to be human, flawed, and complex — but with a shared intention of growth and healing.
Moving Forward
We are living in a time where it's easier than ever to be judgmental and reactionary, especially in spaces that claim to be conscious. But as we navigate these challenges, it’s important to remember that community means more than just being physically or spiritually present together — it means truly listening, engaging with empathy, and holding each other accountable in a way that is rooted in love, not punishment.
Let’s move away from spiritual narcissism and toward a culture that values accountability, communication, and kindness. By checking our stories, holding space for discomfort, and creating intimate connections through unity circles, we can begin to shift from hyper-individualism toward a collective, heart-centered future.
Communication Resource: "Checking Our Stories"
This tool is designed to help you navigate conversations with greater clarity, vulnerability, and understanding. When you're feeling triggered or uncertain about a situation, use this structure to express your emotions and perceptions, while also inviting the other person to share their perspective. This approach fosters a deeper connection and prevents misunderstandings from escalating into conflicts.
"I feel _______ about you because _______."
"The story I’m telling myself is _______."
"The evidence I have for this story is _______."
"The fear behind my story is _______."
"I benefit from having created and maintained this story because _______."
"What do you think and feel about my story? I want to understand your side."
The Invitation
I invite you to reflect on these dynamics within your own communities. Are we truly living up to the values we preach, or have we fallen into the traps of judgment and disconnection? Together, we can heal and create something better — but it will take all of us being willing to look deeper, ask harder questions, and, most importantly, hold space for each other.
Let’s build something where care and connection take priority over condemnation and where unity is truly valued.
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