How do we bring more intimacy into our sex life? By making it sacred…
“Having sex is fun.
Making love is beautiful.
Practicing tantric sex is divine.”
-Blake Cahill
What I'm speaking about is tantric sex. Tantra practice is yoga. The word Tantra can be broken into two parts, Tan which is Expansion and Tra which is Liberation. So, what we are doing by studying Tantra is expanding our consciousness to liberate ourselves from the limitations of what we believe spiritual and sexual connection is. It is bringing balance between the masculine and feminine, Shiva and Shakti and bringing it into the bedroom. The sacred temple. Shiva is the masculine and the seed of universal consciousness. Shakti is the feminine and the creator of all life. Practicing tantra will help you create a healthy relationship with yourself, your sexuality, your partner and your spiritual life. Since we are all humans with cravings and desires we yearn for connection and to share energy with others. Just like we crave to feel connected to the divine. So when we start tantric practices we begin to understand our bodies better and become more comfortable with our body and the understanding of what pleases us. It is such a beautiful and intimate way of connecting with another person. But first we need to let go of the idea that sex is something that is bad or good, or should be hidden or not talked about. The more we let go of these old concepts and deepen our exploration into sex, we open up the new and beautiful world where the connection of the masculine, feminine and the divine are all one.
In order to start tantric practice you do not need a partner, though it is good. If you practice with a partner it is important that you establish trust. If you do not have a foundation built on trust you will not get far. This is why it is also not advised to practice tantra with just anybody, because tantra creates a connection between the heart chakras. The male’s heart chakra activation point is located at the very tip of his penis. A woman’s heart chakra activation point is located at the back of her cervix. We start by flowing energy from your sacral chakra up to your heart chakra and up through your third eye and crown chakra. The point of tantric sex is not to ejaculate but to alchemize sexual energy. Or you can use it to extend your sexual experience and your orgasms. By holding this energy in, you are holding onto life force energy, or Prana, which is designed to create life. And just like all energy it has polarities yin and yang, masculine and feminine, positive and negative. Tantra is about uniting the two energies in a beautiful dance. A dance of connection and intimacy in a state of pleasure and movement with your partner. When we play with this duality of masculine and feminine we become one with our flowing sexual energy throughout our chakras. This is very similar to awakening our Kundalini. Everything is done consciously just like in yoga. In yoga, we are taught about the yamas and niyamas. One of the five yamas is not wasting energy, while one of the five niyamas is to purify ourselves through our heart.
For women - Your bodies are already built for tantra. Women's level of arousal rise and fall gradually over extended periods of time. Where most men tend to ejaculate within the first 5 to 15 minutes and then fall asleep after because they've released all of their Prana. Women are more intune with their body and will usually reach there peak up to 40 minutes into sex. But it is important for women to guide their partner on this wave. There are some women out there that have never felt an orgasm from penetration. There are also some women that could only get off in certain positions. Or need stimulation from toys. By guiding your partner you could teach him to ride the waves of arousal with you. It is also very important to know were the G-spot is. How do you like to be touched and what does it take to bring you to climax? The G-Spot is a very powerful spot just inside the walls of the vagina. By putting two fingers inside and doing the “come here” motion, working the top part by her belly button, it can help bring you to an orgasm. Clitoris stimulation is probably one of the most common ways of female orgasms. If you can get to the point where you squirt this is known in ancient India as “Amrita” The nectar of the Gods. This is different from a regular orgasm. This fluid is believed to have psychotropic properties and in ancient Indian texts, it is said that by drinking this Divine nectar you could achieve immortality. What is happening here is the female body is changing energy into a liquid state. This is alchemy. Women, you literally change sexual energy into high vibrational fluid.
For men tantric sex takes a little more practice then it does for women. When a man ejaculates he releases the whole world's population in his sperm. This is a lot of energy to release. This is why men get so tired after sex. By holding in your ejaculation and breathing this sexual energy up into your third eye, you will be able to ride wave after wave of orgasms without ejaculation. Because men's level of arousal can peak very fast and drop just as fast, we must learn how to stop at 80% of our climax then flow that energy upward instead of reaching 100% and ejaculating. This is how we connect to our feminine side. I suggest practicing on your own in order to come in tune with your body before practicing with your partner. If you get too close to 100% there is an acupuncture point known as Jin-Mo point. By holding this spot for 15 to 30 seconds you could suppress your ejaculation and breathe your orgasmic energy up your spine, into your third eye and then back down the front of your body into your sacral chakra. By practicing this you will begin to feel more energy in the bedroom, last longer and feel more sensation.
Now let's take it to the bedroom. Tantric practice is a sacred practice. You want to enter the bedroom as if you are entering a temple. Cleaning and washing your body before you enter. Doing yoga before sex is really good too. It gets the blood moving as well as getting your body limber and ready for intimacy. Light candles, burn incense and set the mood. Start off by worshiping one another. A woman's womb in sanskrit is called Yoni, meaning the sacred space of life. So let's treat it as such. Before intercourse bow to your partner's Yoni thanking her for being the creator of life. Put your hand right below her belly button with a light amount of pressure and send loving energy into her Yoni. Women you could sit on your man's lap wrapping your legs around him, touching your heels together while your man has his heels touched together. This is a Kamasutra position that create’s an Infinitiy. This position helps energy flow. Rest your hand on your partner's heart and your other hand on their lower back and thank your partner for all the energy you’re about to co-create. Thank his heart for all the blood it pumps through his body to create the energy that you two are about to share.
You should both sit for some time eye gazing. This is a very powerful meditation before sex. Staring into each other's eyes you could really see the depths and desires of one another. When you are gazing into each other's eyes, you break down the masks that we wear and begin to see the true divine in each other.
Reciprocal breathing is another beautiful practice. Men, start by breathing your partner's breath inside youself and moving the energy down your spine into your root chakra. Then exhale into your partner’s. Move that energy into her sacral chakra. Women breathe in your partner and flow the energy from your sacral chakra up to your third eye. You will create a microcosmic orbit between the two of you. Remember to pause momentarily when exchanging the energy between your sacral chakras. This will help build up energy in your sacral chakra that you could use later on during sex.
Then we get into foreplay. This is my favorite part. This is such a playful and most beautiful expression. It is also one of the most important parts of tantraic practice. So take your time here. Truly explore one another as if you were children seeing the world for the first time. Use breath, movement and sound to help guide each other during this journey. In yoga, this is called “Nadi” which means flow, motion, and vibration. The word itself suggests the fundamental nature of a nadi is to flow like water, finding the path of least resistance and nourishing everything in its way.
Now moving into intercourse. Stare into each other's eyes when you enter your partner. Create a full connection and bond between the two of you. Move with the flow of energy that you two are co-creating. Take your time here, there is no rush. This is a sacred bond and it connects us to the divine. A connection between the masculine and feminine. Men, feel into your woman’s body and flow with her. Women, feel your man and thrust with him. You will begin to feel the Prana build between you two. Ride the beautiful waves of love. Use your nadi’s and moan and breathe and move. Men, when you get to that 80% remember this is a great time to pause inside of your partner and push on your conception meridian. Your partner will feel your Lingam (which is sanskrit for penis) pulsating inside of her. She will begin to feel the energy that you have created flow into her Yoni as you breathe this energy up your spine, into your third eye and back down into your sacral chakra. Women, this is a great time to start massaging his lingam with your Yoni tightening and releasing the walls of your yoni.
In tantra it is good to take breaks. Lay next to your partner still inside of one another and stay there in a state of meditation before building up and flowing with the energy again. You could talk about sex magic at this point. Sex magic is the power of manifesting something together which can take place during orgasm. And speaking a sankalpa (which is sanskrit meaning an intention formed by the heart and mind). The two of you could visualize on what you would like to manifest into each other's lives, or for one another, and move this energy to truly see it come into fruition.
Some key things to know are the best time for a man to make love is in the morning. Men's energy flows smoother in the morning times. And the best time for a woman to make love is at night. When they are more closely connected to the divine. It is also most difficult for men to control their ejaculation during the full moon. This is because it is the peak of feminine energy. In tantra, the point is not for the man to ejaculate but to flow and create energy that can be used in other aspects of life. If you are able to produce a female ejaculation, drink it and share it with your partner. This will bring longevity to you and your relationship.
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